FOSTER CARE – THE REAL CORE FOR CHILDREN

I recently read an article written on Sunday, March 16, 2003, by Don Eberle in the Colorado newspaper regarding the failing foster care system. He was saying that the problems in foster case have been around for years. He started his article out by saying:

His voice comes to me, slowly and distinctly. In the early-evening gloom of a snowy day I can barely see his face across the room."I mean, the foster-care system. It must have been working at one time or else they wouldn't have put it together, would they?"I don't know the answer to that question, so I just nod."It's like having a big puzzle, but if you lose a piece it won't work.""What piece have they lost?" I ask.He looks away from me and then back again."They've lost its core. Foster care only works when you're in it for your heart."

As a former foster care parent myself, my husband and I took in 3 foster children 15 years ago. There had been over 29 documented child abuse reports filed by concerned citizens, doctors, dentists and school teachers to the police department. The children’s parents were drug addicts and the children had all been severely abused – broken femur bones (never receiving medical attention), starvation (one 5 year-old weighed only 18 ½ pounds when he came to live with me), cigarette burns inflicted on their arms, severe dental decay from neglect (which required surgery), and that’s not mentioning the serious injuries. Social Services didn’t care that there was a sex offender living with them at the time either. After 20 years in law enforcement, meeting with many foster parents and researching child abuse for over 13 years, I learned that my case was not unique in any way. I connected completely with this excellent article, except for one minor distinction. The “Core” needs to be re-evaluated. The Core is more of a philosophical hinderance of the social service systems attitudes, not so much the “Foster Parents.” I have found that most foster parents love helping the children and returning them to their abusers if sufficient parenting has taken place. I have also learned that the philosophy with social services is to give the children back to the abusers even if the child’s safety is at risk.

I believe that the majority of foster parents “are in it for their hearts.” It certainly isn’t for the money. Who opens their homes and hearts to take “throw-away” children for the sheer pleasure of it? These children come with huge baggage issues and enormous psychological traumas. They are victims of rape by strangers, sexual molestation by their parents or caregivers, their bones are broken, they’ve been burned, only to mention a few. Just check the cottage hospitals and see how many hundreds of infants are suffering drug withdrawals and are in the Intensive Care Unit because their “mothers” marinated them with methamphetamines while she was pregnant with them (and can you believe this is not a crime?) Those are only the initial costs of trauma for these children (provided someone cares enough to pay). How about the long term costs? Rage flourishes in these children in one form or another. Acting out and other behavioral problems surface in our schools. It goes on and on. My husband and I paid over $300.00 per week for the psychological therapy sessions for my 3 foster children for years, long before we ever adopted them. I am confidant that most foster parents are in this same boat. I have been given the name “advocate for children” by who, I don’t know. I actually thought at one time that all adults were advocates for children. I care that children are protected from abuse and I bring it to the forefront when I see a small child being returned to a parent or caregiver who has seriously injured them. I have traveled to Sacramento, testified and worked on initiating laws to help change the way social services handles abused children. I have worked very hard and gone out of my comfort zone to try and make a difference for our children. And I’m the bad guy?

The real question is “Has Social Services lost their CORE?” After all, the director of social services said, “Blood is thicker than water.” And the attorney that represents the children said, “We do not place the children in the right place, only the legally correct one.” I have personally witnessed foster parents reprimanded for speaking out because they feared for a child’s safety. I have seen social services remove their foster care licenses and threaten them if they continued to speak out for the child’s safety. I was actually “threatened” myself for speaking out on my 3 foster children’s behalf because social services was more concerned in reunifying them with the drug abusers than they were with their safety. I actually thought about going underground because I feared for the children’s lives. I was told that if I continued the way I was going, they would prosecute me. Persecute is a better word, wouldn’t you agree?

Jane LeMOND Alvarez